I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
