He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
