Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
