I think I died a long time ago.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
