we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
