i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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