Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
