i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
