I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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