Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So vagazzling was a success
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
