i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
