Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
