so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
