My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
