She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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