You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
