I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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