u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
