i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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