Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
