I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's great music for shaving your balls
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
