Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
