but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
