4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just pee around me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
