btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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