he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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