dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
