I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
