so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
