i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
