You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
