Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
