I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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