everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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