Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
