To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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