Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
