you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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