Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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