Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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