Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
