I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
