you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
