There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
