you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I sprained my soul last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize