I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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