just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They took my balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
