I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
