I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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