This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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