please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize