i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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