spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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