My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize