I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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