She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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