I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
