theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
