Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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