Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
