so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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