P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
