Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
