I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
