i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
