she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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