I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
