I cannot find my penis.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
