thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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