So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
