The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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