using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You don't make any sense
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