Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
