this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
