Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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