Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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