ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
