I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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