The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
