He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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