don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
