my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
