..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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