You smell like stripper and shame
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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