Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
