"it" just moved
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
